When I first got my hysterectomy, I found a website that helped me a lot - it's called hystersisters.com. They always referred to the land of menopause as 'the hormone jungle' and I never understood why. I had two doctors tell me that getting my hormones balanced after surgical menopause would be a 'piece of cake', and that there are so many options out there that I would be balanced and back to living life in no time.
These are lies. It is a jungle. And without a guide or being your own advocate - you can get completely lost out there. I'm pretty lost...
The panic attacks started again on memorial day. I started feeling like I did back before the cream, back when I couldn't even get into a car without having panic issues. I scheduled blood work for June 2nd and had my dad drive me. For the first time in months, I had a panic attack in the car. I was shaking so bad when they drew my blood that a lab tech had to hold my arm still so that the other one could draw blood. They kept asking me if I was okay (FUCK NO) oh yeah, I'm okay, just waiting for the Xanax to kick in; please get the draw on the first try. Of course they didn't. My racing heart made that impossible. Two sticks and finally they drew blood. I requested a full set of thyroid labs, iron, and of course, my sex hormones.
My labs came back showing my estrogen was back down to 61. When I got pellets, it was at 133. In all of my hesitation and fear about getting hormone pellets, I was always worried about being OVER dosed. It never even crossed my mind that I could be under dosed. I was going backwards. Of course I was, I mean - nothing has gone right so far, so why would I expect this to??
My primary care physician freaked out at how high my total testosterone was (200, normal range for a woman is like 0 - 40) but he didn't check free testosterone; the one my body is actually using. I am not having symptoms of too much testosterone (oily hair, acne, facial hair, yuckety yuck NOPE.) so I'm not too worried about that. I'm very pissed about the estrogen though. I emailed the hormone pellet doctor a copy of my labs. He called me, said my labs were 'perfect' - I think I yelled "I do not feel perfect!!" and told him I need more estrogen. Reluctantly, he put me on Estradoil pills. He had me start at .5 mg/day - increasing as needed every 4 days until I feel better. I am now up to 2.5 mg a day (which is actually pretty high) and I'm finally starting to feel better. Yesterday was the first day since memorial day that I went an entire day without needing Xanax; and I even managed a walk to the mailboxes and back without a panic attack. It's the damn estrogen. I need more.
I emailed pellet guy on Monday with an update, but haven't heard back yet. I asked about my thyroid labs - my reverse T3 was on the very top of the range (25) and my free T3 was mid-range. My free T3 to reverse T3 ratio is 14.8, it should be over 20. What this means is that I have T3 pooling and not being used. T4 is converting to T3 but something is causing it to pool and not be used by my body. Adrenal fatigue and low iron can be a couple of culprits; usually they are supposed to either drop your dose of medication and add a T3 only medication (like Cytomel) or they say to get your iron up. My ferritin was actually low, so I am now supplementing with iron. I am leaving my Armour at 120 mg for now, I'm not having any symptoms of it being too high. So hopefully that will help. My 24 hour saliva cortisol test came back with my numbers in range, so adrenals look okay. I honestly feel like I know more about my thyroid issues than my doctors do. That is terrifying.
I have an appointment with gynecologist #2 on Tuesday - yes, the one who was originally going to give me pellets then her nurse ended up talking me out of it. I'm armed with a lot more knowledge now, so we'll see what she has to say. I quit taking the sublingual progesterone because I was feeling so tired and so depressed - since stopping that I actually feel a bit better. So maybe I don't need it after all. I'm about due for my next round of pellets so I'm thinking I might have this doctor do them as long as I have a say in the dosing. This whole high testosterone/low estrogen protocol they have going on is insane, and it doesn't work for me. Based on what I've been reading; it doesn't work for a lot of women...
So that's where I'm at, nearly a year out from when things completely broke. I'm not nearly as depressed and the anxiety is getting a bit better. I was starting to have the gastroparesis flaring up again (I know that's low estrogen!!!!) so I've lost some weight again, but not too drastic. I'm hoping that will calm down once I get my numbers up. Again. I have a new hobby that keeps me pretty relaxed and happy - I sit on my back patio and take pictures of the birds, squirrels, flowers, butterflies, etc; in my yard. I spend hours outside. It makes me feel good. I'm grateful that I found something to give me joy again, because I was feeling pretty rock bottom...
One of the baby scrub jays in my yard. There are 3 of them. The whole family of scrub jays keeps me thoroughly entertained.
Anyway... That's where I'm at. Trying to work my way through the jungle.
