Welcome Back to the Real World

One year ago, I wrote this poem:

I'm broken.
A fading sunset casts shadows
but I don't see them;
I too, am fading.
I hurt and I hide
afraid to try,
I'm tired.
My mind is too loud
running too fast
and I'm just tired.
I wasn't prepared for this -
I'm weak. I can't breathe.
A receding tide casts seashells
but I don't collect them;
I too, am receding.
Back into the past where it's safe
back to the place where I was happiest.
This new world is unbearable.
it's become so small: I feel so small.
I hate it, this new world,
this existence that passes for life.
I'm broken.
The passing years cast shadows
but I don't feel them,
Time keeps passing,
and every day feels the same for me;
I just want it to be over....
11/14/13

Today I went on a job interview. Tomorrow I have another one. I've been a very busy girl, climbing out of that dark chapter and into the light of the next one - back into the real world. I've been driving all over the place. Spending time with friends, getting out and having fun. Living again. And I'm not looking back. I am only looking forward. The hurt and the fear and the despair that was my Unexpected Detour has come to pass. I feel strong again. Healthy, happy. I feel optimistic that the worst of it has been conquered and I can handle any residual issues. I made it; I survived.

I want to share that I don't feel that this experience has been entirely negative. Parts of it were horrible, I'm already starting to forget how that felt though. But through this, I found a way to fill a void in my soul; to bridge a gap between my body and my spirit. I found peace, and contentment, and a connection within myself. I guess you could say I found my spirituality. I don't think I could have done that without having been forced to slow down. I have found passion, quiet reflection, and excitement through photography. It has turned out to be the best therapy I ever could have hoped for.

I have a mug that says 'teach me to listen to the song of the earth'. That has been my mantra for months now - teach me to listen. I've learned. I listen. And I'm ready. I feel complete. Whole; and healed.

Thank you for following along with this blog, it's time to retire it and get back to the other ones. My doctor cleared me to return to physical activity - running and skating, and lifting weights. It'll be slow building up again but that is okay, it's part of the new chapter. I relish the challenges ahead.

Like lovers and heroes

Birds in the last days of spring;

We're only at home when we're on the wing

on the wing...

- Rush