Oh, Doctors....

Over the course of the past 10 months, I have seen 15 health care providers; (not including ER or urgent care doctors - I have been to the ER 3 times and urgent care twice.) Each one offered unique - and sometimes unpleasant - experiences. Sadly, I'm not alone in doctor hopping; in some cases, if you don't have a cut and dried symptom/diagnosis/treatment experience; you are often left to either accept inadequate or incorrect treatment; or you go on a journey to find someone who can actually help you.

First and foremost in my arsenal is my primary care physician. I'm lucky; he is a very compassionate and caring doctor. He genuinely wants to fix what's broken. He digs, he listens; he wants to help. I saw him several times before he himself had to go out on leave for health reasons, and I know that if he hadn't had to have done that, my experience would have been extremely different. But without his guidance, I was left on my own to try to figure out what was going on with me. But he did help me confirm my suspicion that my hormones were out of balance and my instincts told me that this was the primary cause for all of my symptoms - so he set me on the right track. From there is where it got tricky.

My first gynecologist was actually the one who did my hysterectomy. I really liked her because she, too, seemed extremely concerned and caring when I first started seeing her. When I went back to see her about my current issues; she had changed. She was abrupt and brisk with me. She wasn't interested in my hormone labs or my theories; she didn't think my anxiety was being caused by my hormones. Anyone who is in a situation where you feel broken and vulnerable; bewildered by your body being unwell and your mind being unsound - the last thing you need is a doctor who basically says "it's all in your head". The funny thing is that most women expect this kind of reaction from male doctors - after all, how can they possibly know what it's like to be a woman? My thoughts were that this particular doctor was more interested in the beginning part of the female journey - puberty, birth control years, having babies; and not so much in the period that comes after all of that. After my surgery to remove my ovary, I had a bad reaction to the glue they used on my suture sites. The skin became inflamed and itched something horrible. When I called about it, she told me to put some cortisone on it and deal. I actually had a nurse at my PCP's office take a look at them to make sure they weren't infected, because I didn't want to deal with the gynecologist. She made me feel like I had done something wrong, or that I was crazy. I still don't understand  how she changed so much.

Finding a good GI doctor is like trying to win the lottery; and getting in to see a good GI doctor is like waiting for Christmas. My GI doctor was too busy to see me, so she sent me to see her new PA... Her old PA was awesome, but no one would tell me where she went.. So I had to go see the new PA. I explained to this guy about the shortness of breath, about how this started once I started exercising more intensely; and he told me some story about a saber toothed tiger chasing a cave man. Now, I know that what he was trying to get at was the whole fight or flight bodily reaction, but since I am a literal thinker and know for a fact that saber toothed tigers are extinct; his entire analogy was a fail. He sent me to do the gastric emptying test, told me I had gastroparesis, gave me a hand out for the diet and a prescription for Domperidone (a drug that is not FDA approved in the US) and sent me on my way. But I still had questions. WHY do I have gastroparesis? HOW did it develop? Will it just continue to get worse or is it something that flares up on occasion? I also have a hiatal  hernia, could that be getting worse and causing shortness of breath? I never got those answers. The second GI doctor I saw was a little better, but still at a loss. He prescribed a couple of different drugs for me, but my body is super sensitive and I reacted badly to them. His last resort was Elavil (an antidepressant that helps suppress the visceral response to a physical ailment - like having anxiety attached to feeling overly full after a meal.) After that, he was done with me. I finally got in to see my original GI doctor - she's a really great doctor - but this experience with her was not good. She seemed exasperated. Said I was looking for some magic cure to fix everything. She said I was looking at a 'good decade' of struggling with my hormones and trying to feel balanced. I left her office in tears, why do doctors do that? I know that is NOT going to be the case with me. At this point, I'm done with GI doctors.

It's seems to me that a lot of doctors either don't know or don't want to take the time to explore the hows and whys of what's wrong. Other doctors seem to take a sadistic pleasure in scaring the shit out of people so that they won't expand their minds and seek out alternative treatments. Endocrinologists are notorious for that; they don't want you taking a natural desiccated thyroid pill like Armour, the endocrinologist I saw asked me if I knew what was in Armour, then proceeded to explain the process of drying out a pig thyroid and grinding it up to make a pill. Sorry honey, I eat bacon. Popping a pressed capsule of dried pig thyroid doesn't gross me out. So she tried the scare tactic; that taking NDT (naturally desiccated thyroid) will put me at risk for cardiac failure or osteoporosis. I know better.. There is no proof. I read a lot on the internet, and sorting through fact and fiction can be a challenge. But when you consistently read the same things from a variety of sources, it helps you to form an opinion on what is best for you and gives you ideas of the hows and whys. Some doctors don't like it when you present this to them - "I read this on the internet, what do you think?" If they have a big ego they laugh in your face and shove a prescription at you. A good doctor will listen and take your thoughts into consideration.

So during all of this, here's what I've learned... That gastroparesis can in fact be caused by thyroid disease. It makes sense, the thyroid gland controls so many things in your body; including how efficiently your digestive system works. If you're hypothyroid and low in hormones, then your digestive system can slow down and sometimes even stop. That's what gastroparesis IS. NO ONE even mentioned the possibility of a connection between the two. I've also learned that menopause and hypothyroid have a lot of the same symptoms, so finding out what's causing what can be tricky. In my own particular case - my plan is to focus on getting one thing balanced first then see what's left over. With the new diagnosis of Hashimoto's, it's going to be even more difficult, but I think I will get there. I know that there's a connection between thyroid and menopause, unfortunately so many women don't know this and may get diagnosed with one while the other still rages on, leaving them with ongoing symptoms and frustration. I've learned that doctors still think that antidepressants are the answer to everything - instead of trying to find the cause of depression or anxiety and seeing those things as a SYMPTOM rather than a disorder themselves. I know my anxiety is a symptom, and I know that once I fix whatever is causing it, it will abate. I know this because it's already calmed down tremendously since I started using hormone replacement therapy.

My theory is that it's all about balance. Once I get balance, I will feel healthy again. I will still have gastroparesis. I will still have Hashimoto's. I will still be in surgical menopause; but I want to get to a point where I am not defined by these things. I refuse to accept that I'm sick, that I'm limited because of that. I'm determined to dig and find the root causes and FIX THEM. Even if I never get back to 100%, I know I can get close.

My advice to anyone who is on a journey like this: READ. Read blogs, articles, message boards. Learn. Pay attention to your body - you should know it well enough to be able to tell when something isn't right. And if you go to the doctor, and that doctor blows you off, makes you feel stupid, ignores your input or treats you like you're just another cow in the assembly line - FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR. No one can advocate for your health better than you can.